My Nights at Daria's Anthology
by the writer formerlyknown as lm
Summary: Poems chronicling Daria's saucy encounters with the people of Lawndale.
1. Trent

**Trent **

I awoke. Dunno why, 'cuz I was pretty damn comfortable.  
Looked around. Realized I was in Daria's room again. Damn. I took her bed.  
She was lying on her floor, passed out and drooling on a book in front of her.  
I stood up, stretched, and nudged her with the toe of my shoe.  
"Hey," I said. "I'm getting out of here."  
The clock on her nighstand told me it was 3:00.  
A.M. probably. It was dark outside, you know.  
"Huh, whazzit?" she said, sitting up, rubbing her eyes.  
"Get in your bed." I took her arm and led her to it.  
Man, was she out of it. She was out again before her head even hit her  
pillow. "G'night," I said, taking her glasses off sitting 'em on her 'stand.  
Didn't want 'em to get broken. And then I kissed her on her head and left.

I was almost to the door when I heard a familiar voice call out,  
"Hey, Trent, my man!"  
"Hey, Mr. M." I turned around.  
"Fall asleep in Daria's room again, son?"  
I shrugged. "Guess so."  
"Well now that you're here, whaddya say you and me play some dominoes? Whaddya  
say, son?" He put his hand on my shoulder, and I frowned at it.  
"Uh…"  
"What's going on down there?"  
I was saved by Daria's Sister, and by her yelling. When she caught sight of me, she looked  
disappointed. "Oh. It's you again. God, Trent! Why don't you just live here!"  
I shrugged.  
"My bed's at my house."  
"Come on, Trent. You hungry? I'll fix you something up."  
I was tempted by Mr. M.'s offer. Sleeping makes you hungry, you know.  
Then I heard Daria's Mom. "What's going on down there?"  
"Trent fell asleep in Daria's room again." Daria's Sister was speaking  
again.  
"Well, god, if he's gonna do that, he might as well live here!  
I could use the tax deduction!"  
Mrs. M. was kind of pissed.  
"That's what I said!" Daria's Sister giggled.  
Why does she do that so much?  
"Helen?" Mr. M. turned away from me, and I was free.  
As I shut the door behind me, I shook my head.  
Weird, weird family.


	2. Jane

**Jane **

"Who're you gonna do your paper on? Musician, O'Neill said."  
Daria entered her room, and threw her backpack on her bed.  
I followed, smirking.  
"I dunno about me, but I know who _you_ could do yours on…"  
"Funny, Lane."  
She sat at her desk, I sat on her bed. We stared each other down.  
"Fine," I said. "If you don't like my suggestion, who're you picking?"  
"Lennon."  
"Figures."  
"What's the supposed to mean?  
"Nothing, just…"  
"What?"  
"Isn't Lennon a little too idealistic for you?"  
"You don't think I'm idealistic?"  
God, she seemed offended. The thing with Daria is, you never know  
what you can say around her. I mean, others would probably think that  
she was being sarcastic, but I could always tell. She _was_ a bit idealistic, to tell you the truth. But most people don't know that.  
I decided to change the subject;  
fights aren't ever fun (well, okay, sometimes they are), but they  
really suck when they're with your only friend.  
The only person you give a damn about.  
The only person you. . .  
So, I changed the subject.  
"I'm thinking about Joan Baez."  
"That sounds like you, Jane."  
"Or maybe…" I decided to test the waters.  
"…Alix Dobkin."  
"Hmmm…"  
Daria was writing now, probably not even paying attention to me.  
She tilted her head, her thick, auburn mane sliding  
over her neck, revealing her peachy skin.  
The sound of her pencil scraping against her notebook paper was nothing compared to the  
sound in my head,  
the incessant pounding.  
I'd waited too long. I couldn't stop now.  
I wanted her too damn much.  
"Daria, I…"  
"Hmmm…?" she turned to me, her brown eyes big, questioning,  
staring into my soul almost.  
My mouth felt very dry.  
I must've taken too long to answer.  
"Jane, what?" she pushed.  
Before I could even think, I pounced on her.  
I grabbed her head and pushed my lips against hers.  
I tried to kiss her, tried to get her to kiss me back.  
But she wouldn't.  
When I pulled away, I was breathless.  
Her mouth was a thin line, lips still shut,  
though the surrounding area was pink.  
My smudged lipstick.  
"Damn it, Daria." I looked away.  
Embarrassed.  
She left her room, then, not even saying anything else to me.  
Damn it.

When I got outside, she was sitting on the sidewalk  
picking at her boot.  
"Can I sit down?" I asked, but she didn't reply, so I did anyway.  
God, she looked so beautiful.  
I suddenly felt very helpless without my spiral, without something on me  
to capture the way she looked right now.  
She wasn't facing me, but that was the charm.  
The sun was setting in the distance, casting an amber glow on her skin.  
She looked amazing.  
"I'm so sorry, amiga. I just…" Something hit me. Trying to stay calm, I asked,  
"We _are_ still friends, right?"  
"Why did you do that?"  
I tried to think of a decent response, but none came.  
I kicked a rock with my shoe and watched it enter  
the gutter on the opposite side of the street.  
I shrugged.  
"I liked it," she said, all quiet-like.  
"What!"  
"I liked it." She looked at me, not appearing lost, hopeless,  
confused, dazed, and all those other things I'd felt when I first realized  
my true feelings for my best friend. For her.  
She appeared powerful, aware.  
Now she knew what she did to me.  
"Jane," she leaned forward and whispered. If I didn't know any better,  
I'd swear she was taunting me.  
"Do you wanna stay the night?"


	3. Ted

**Ted**

"Wow, Daria! Your room is neat!"  
"Thanks, Ted." Daria gave a little half-chuckle.  
I like Daria. I know a lot of people don't, or they think that she's weird,  
and, hey, maybe she _is _a bit weird.  
But I have to admit.  
I think she's kind of  
_cool._  
"I'm glad you let me come over." I sat down on her mattress.  
"Comfy bed!"  
"Thanks, Ted." She sat down at her desk and seemed genuinely pleased  
that I was in her room.  
"Your wall's neat!"  
I started stroking it.  
"Why do you live in a padded room, Daria?" I laughed. "You're not crazy, are you?"  
I paused.  
_Oh, my.  
_"Ted, I'm not crazy," Daria assured me. "This is just how the room was when my family moved  
in."  
"Oh, well. You couldn't blame me for wondering." I adjusted my glasses and smiled.  
"I mean, you know what you're like."  
"I know. I'm a regular Nellie Bly." Daria paused, and she pulled on her skirt. I frowned.  
She only did that when she was nervous. When she spoke, she sounded vulnerable.  
"Ted. I _am_ crazy about one thing…" She gulped like saying this was going to be the hard part.  
"You."  
"What?" I adjusted my glasses again, and Daria shook her head, blushing.  
"Never mind. That's not me talking. It's Jane."  
"What?"  
Daria sat next to me on the bed.  
I suddenly felt very uncomfortable.  
"I've liked spending all this time with you, Ted."  
"Oh, me, too, Daria. You're pretty neat. And I like how smart you are. You do know more  
about Flavio Biondo than the rest of the student body."  
Daria's face fell.  
"Wait…So are you…I mean…"  
"What, Daria?"  
"Are we dating?" The instant she said it, she cringed. "I know. I know. I shouldn't  
have to ask, but I really can't tell."  
"_What?"  
_"I'm new to all this stuff, Ted."  
"No, I mean." Now, suddenly, I was the confused one. "_Are _we going steady?"  
"I thought you would know." Daria looked back at me, undoubtedly mirroring my expression of  
complete perplexity.  
"I dunno…"  
Daria moved closer, and I could see her face approaching mine.  
"Daria, wha…?"  
Her lips brushed against mine, and I frowned. It was soft kiss, timid, but it all felt very  
_wrong.  
_"Daria!" I jumped up, face fervid as a flame.  
"Ted. I'm sorry." Daria looked abashed. "Maybe I read the signs wrong…"  
I tried to calm myself down. I felt like I was hyperventilating.  
She'd just _kissed me.  
_"…But Jane's just been saying that I needed to do something with you, or she would. I mean, not that she would, but, _you know_…I like you, Ted." She was vulnerable again. I didn't like it. I didn't like Daria like that.  
"Goodbye, Daria."  
I grabbed my jacket and sprinted from her room.  
I was feeling too many things at once.  
I needed to figure some things out.  
Maybe my parents were right; maybe I should just stay away from Daria.


	4. Kevin

**Kevin  
or "Is It Out of Character Yet?"  
(don't worry; it'll get there)**

"daria! i'm never gonna, like, understand this stuff!"  
"ah!" jane said, "at least he understands that he'll never understand. that's got to  
count for something. come on, let's go."  
i was sitting at the lunch table across from daria and jane. i mean, i'm not the type of  
guy who usually sits with losers like that, cause i'm the qb, but, you know, mr. o said that  
i was, like, in serious crossword of failing his class.  
"crossword?" daria looked at me like i was crazy.  
"i think he means jeopardy," jane said. you know i don't like her very much, she's kind  
of mean.  
"ohhhhh." daria frowned. "you know what they say when you start understanding jocks."  
"what do they say."  
"i don't know, jane. i don't talk to jocks."  
"funny girl."  
i didn't understand, like, what daria and jane were saying, but daira turned to me. "Kevin, have you done any of the papers mr. o'neill's assigned?"  
"nope!"good, daria was _finally_ starting to get it.  
"okay, can we go yet." jane kept pulling on daria's arm. hey, don't take her, i need her help.  
"please, daria." i tried to pout. it works on brittany. "i need the help."  
daria frowned.  
"i'm gonna regret this."  
"what!" jane hollered. jeez, who got her panties in a bunch?  
"are you free after school?"  
woah. was daria saying yes? sweet!  
but, wait.  
"ooh, daria…"  
"what?" why was she getting so pissed?  
"i kind of have plans."  
"good so do you" jane said to daira. "you're gonna sit on my bed and watch sick sad world while i paint."  
they watch sick sad world? dude, i love that show.  
"did you just say you loved that show? good god, what is the world coming to." jane dropped her head on the lunchtable. daria kept talking to me, all pissy.  
"look Kevin, you ask me to tutor you, i acquesice and then you tell me that you can't make it? what the hell are you driving at. you either come over or you don't. i don't care."  
why was daria so desperate for me to come over. does she want me?  
"i don't want you," daria said, frowning.  
oh. am i thinking out loud again?  
"yes," jane grumbled.  
"oh. hey what does aqua-sense mean?"  
"look, Kevin." daria frowned. "you either come over or you don't."

later, in daria's room, daria tried to get me to understand shakespear.  
"okay, Kevin, he was basically this old guy who wrote movies. you follow?"  
"Yeah!"  
hey, this stuff was pretty easy!  
"now, they weren't movies. they were plays. remember plays, Kevin? you're in the drama club?"  
"I am?"  
"remember. brittany pulled you into it. you're supposed to memorize words on a piece of paper and then regurgitate them in front of your family and friends?"  
"god, daria, i don't want to throw up!"  
"errr!" she threw my book on the floor and stomped on it. "this is hopeless."  
"daria, why are you so wound up? i'll pass, don't worry."  
"I'm not worried, but you wont pass."  
daria sat back down on her bed and sighed. "i guess you could go, were not getting anywhere."  
daria looked so frustrated, and i felt bad about letting her down. i'm a total, like, spazz when it comes to school stuff. but i didn't feel too bad, i mean, i'm sure  
daria feels this way when it comes to sporty stuff.  
"hey. your room's pretty cool daria."  
she was sitting in the corner of her room where the bed meets it. i joined her, i was sitting pretty  
close to her but she didn't seem to notice.  
"yeah, whatever."  
"I'm sorry i'm so stupid daria."  
"i'm sorry you are too, Kevin."  
"i try to learn this stuff i really do."  
"hmm."  
daria didn't say nothing else.  
i looked down at her legs. they're pretty hot.  
"umm…" daria turned to me, and she was blushing.  
"i think you're thinking out loud again, Kevin."  
"oh. sawree."  
daria's not ugly. but she's not hot. am i thinking out loud?  
phew, i don't think so. anyway.  
i realize. i'm in daria's room with her. on her bed.  
chicks like to hear that they're pretty, so i tell daria that she is and she gets all wide-eyed.  
"you don't mean that."  
"sure i do."  
i leaned over and started to kiss daria, but she pulled away like as soon as i started.  
"maybe you should just leave," she said.  
"why?" i was getting pretty hot.  
"because i don't even like you and i'm kissing you."  
"come on, daria." i kiss her again.  
"stop it," she says against my lips. it tickles.  
"cool daria," i say, "say something else."  
"stop it," she says again. i chuckle at the tickle and daria pulls her head back.  
"you got to try this," i said and daria frowned.  
"no."  
"come on, daria. i'll say potatoe into your lips so you can feel it. it's cool."  
"why would you say potatoe?"  
"it's a really cool word."  
daria moves forward like she's gonna let me talk against her lips, but then, the door swings open.  
"oh my god! um, i'm…is this not the bathroom? um…sor-sorry!"  
i recognize stacy and i wave at her but she runs off without waving back.  
"just fucking great." daria said, bending down and picking up my book.  
"get out."  
"what?"  
"GET OUT, KEVIN!"  
i feel bad. i dunno what i did but i'm sorry.  
"bye, daria," i said as i left.


	5. Stacy

**Stacy**

i spotted you there  
brunette beauty  
couldn't control  
what i felt  
i want you

i've never felt this way before  
am i insane?  
maybe so  
but it's your face that i dream of  
at night when i'm alone  
even the caterwauls outside my window  
cannot drive your voice away  
your snarky replies to everything  
they don't notice you, but i do.

"stacy," sandi said. "can you read the minutes  
from the last meeting so i can prove to quinn  
that she is wrong about turtlenecks?"  
"but i voted against turtlenecks, sandi!" quinn laments.  
i can't take much more of this.  
i shall return later  
but for now i shall turn this page. . .

i do not know why she hides you  
like you're her secret burn  
but i think you're so amazing  
in you i see  
everything i'd hope to be  
and everything i never will  
i'm in quinn's room, and now i see  
the perfect opportunity to sneak a glance at you  
"i have to go to the bathroom."

. . .  
why were you kissing him?  
oh, no.


	6. Sandi

**Sandi **

"So, anyway, I told Quinn, that outfit makes your feet look big. I mean,  
not that I think that; it just does."  
"God, that was such a good idea to, like, put Quinn in her place, Sandi," Quinn's loser  
sister said.  
"Thanks, Quinn's Cousin or Whatever." I look around her room. "God,  
this place needs a makeover."  
"Will you give it one, Sandi? I know you know what makes a room fashionable."  
"Well, duh. I _am_ President of the Fashion Club.  
Okay. First of all, this padding has to go."  
I started to tug on the wall, and I kept pulling, but it wouldn't budge.  
"Am I getting anywhere at all?" I started getting frantic.  
I needed the stuff to come off!  
"I'd say so." Daria came up behind me and started rubbing my back.  
"What are you doing?!" I whirled around.  
She pinned me against the wall.  
"I know you want me," she whispered into my ear.  
"Eww, gross," I said, pushing her away, but she grabbed  
my wrists and forced me to stay in place.  
"I know you want me," she repeated.  
"I do not. You're a chick, first of all, and I don't go that  
way, and secondly, you're a loser, and I _really _don't go that way!"  
She just did a weird, little smile at me though, and like, I couldn't  
make her let me go.  
Before I could, like, even think, she was kissing me.  
It wasn't, like, a horrible kiss, but it escalated too quickly, and  
I just told myself that the sooner that little loser  
had her way with me, the sooner I'd be free.  
"What'd you think?" she asked when she finally pulled away,  
only, it wasn't her voice.  
I opened my eyes. 

It was Quinn.

I sat up in bed, sweat-drenched  
and breathing heavily.  
"God, what an awful nightmare."


	7. Quinn

**Quinn**

"Daria, your room is really depressing."  
"So you've said."  
"I'm serious, Daria; it just makes me feel all… weird."  
"Well, whatever."  
"Let me give you a makeover."  
"What? Why the hell would I do that?"  
"Because you know you want it."  
"Yes, Quinn, what I want more than anything in the world is to have  
you make me over."  
"So we're on the same page."  
"Quinn, I don't even think we're reading the same book."  
"Books are gross, Daria! Here put this dress on."  
"Where did you get that?"  
"I had it behind my back this whole time!"

Daria begins to undress, taking off her jacket and then her black shirt, until she's  
standing in  
nothing  
but her bra.  
Quinn exhales at the lovely sight.  
"Daria, your boobs are awesome."  
Daria blushes. "Thanks, Quinn, but I'm sure yours are better."  
"Wanna see?"  
Quinn then pulls off her own shirt--

"What the hell are you reading?" I ask, horrified.  
Daria's stupid  
boyfriend  
is just laughing.  
"Apparently it's fanfiction."  
Daria adjusts her glasses.  
"It certainly is fiction."  
Daria's weird friend sits up from where she  
was laying  
down on Daria's bed and  
crosses her legs.  
"Do you think there's any of me and Trent?"


	8. Tom

**Tom**

"Daria," I ask her,  
"are you sure you don't  
want to go to Jane's?"

She shifts uncomfortably  
and I know that she wants to,  
but I am a selfish bastard,  
so my heart leaps  
when she says she'd rather be with me.

I lean down to kiss her  
and I am  
drawn in  
by her tentative lips,  
by her self-conscious moan in the back of her throat,  
by the way she runs her fingers through my hair.

Her bed is  
creaking  
under our weight  
and I know she  
can feel me.  
I begin to grind against her,  
and  
like clockwork,  
she pushes me away.

"That's the seventh time you've  
done that!" I yell, frustrated.  
She looks down at the floor,  
guilty.

"You're keeping count?"

I suppose I am.


	9. Mack

**Mack**

I am, for all intents and purposes,  
the ideal  
student.  
I am, for all intents and purposes,  
the ideal  
boyfriend.  
I am, for all intents and purposes,  
endlessly amused  
by Daria Morgendorffer's  
seemingly infinite sarcasm.

I am, for all intents and purposes,  
a homosexual.

I didn't ever plan on coming out,  
but when I did come out to  
Jodie  
she had been so supportive.

When I came out to  
Jane,  
she had been even  
more supportive,  
and a bit invasive,  
asking me, blue eyes dancing,  
about my "type."

And then about  
my "fantasies…  
just so you could have someone  
to talk with, of course."

When I came out to Daria  
we were  
sitting on her bed  
feet on the floor  
thighs barely touching.  
Daria sensed I was  
tense  
and assured me  
that she had only killed  
a few people that dared enter her cave.

I laughed, feeling hollow.  
The silence  
was unbearable.  
There  
were birds  
chirping outside her window;  
sunlight was pouring in.

"You all right?" she sounded  
more concerned  
than I had ever heard her before.  
"Is there," she seemed to  
be  
pushing me,  
"something you wanted to tell me?"

"I- " I searched for  
the right words.  
"I'm gay."

Well, that was pretty blunt.

"Wow."  
Daria sounded shocked.  
"Since you're my friend, I wanted you to know."  
She still looked shocked.  
"What?"  
"Jane told me--"  
Daria flushed.  
"What?" I repeated.  
"Jane told me you had a  
crush on me."  
"Oh."

More silence.

"I guess I should be the one to  
say that I am  
not a guy."

I laughed at her comment,  
genuinely this time.

"It is a shame, though,"  
she said.  
"I was gonna let you have your way with me."  
I gave Daria a look.

I am, for all intents and purposes,  
convinced  
that Daria was not being  
sarcastic  
when she said that.


	10. Upchuck

**Upchuck**

The ladder, made so meticulously out of take-out  
chopsticks and chewed-up Juicy Fruit  
could barely hold my weight. But all that mattered  
was that it allowed me a window into my beloved's soul.  
And also her window.

I lasted thirty minutes before the feisty fox slapped me  
in the face with a thick book. The spinal injury was well-worth it.


End file.
